Do you suffer from ‘Perfect Moment’ syndrome?

On January 1, many people around the world hesitated to open Instagram. They were afraid of being bombarded by images of perfect New Year’s Eve parties with lavish budgets and attractive, fun-loving friends. Diving into social media that day meant risking a sort of retroactive FOMO that would overshadow their own pale celebrations, washing away memories like a tsunami. Even people who never logged on felt a strong sense of dissatisfaction and sadness.

Those who can relate to this story may be experiencing “Perfect Moment” syndrome. It’s a popular concept these days that attempts to capture the feeling of disappointment when our life experiences – events, parties, vacations – don’t measure up to our high expectations. Those who suffer from this syndrome tend to focus on negative details, like cake candles that don’t light, cloudy skies and feeble party decorations. As a result, they often feel dissatisfied and struggle to enjoy the moment.

“I believe that ‘Perfect Moment’ syndrome is related to several factors, but the main one is social media bombarding us with images of beautiful places, enviable moments and emotionally intense experiences,” said Bárbara Tovar, a psychologist specializing in anxiety and stress. “Those posts that we view again and again show us a reality (or supposed reality) that is very different from our own. This makes us want to live the lives we see in those pictures.”

During times like these, comparison is often cited as a major threat to mental well-being. It’s nearly impossible to remain unaffected by the seemingly perfect lives portrayed on the likes of Instagram and TikTok. In comparison, our own lives can appear dull and empty. “That’s because in our culture, we tend to associate happiness with external things rather than internal things like feeling loved, having a good laugh, or just being at peace with ourselves,” said Tovar.

“I think this problem is closely related to what family therapist Juan Luis Linares calls the ‘everything’s fine façade,’” said psychologist Laura Esquinas. “These are families who, no matter what happens behind closed doors, strive to project an image of happiness and well-being. It’s the ‘don’t air your dirty laundry in public’ idea. That’s why I believe this concept is closely linked to the belief that happiness comes from external sources, that external well-being is attainable, and that it’s possible to feel great all the time.”

The effects of ‘Perfect Moment’ syndrome

Esquinas says persistent frustration affects the mental health of those who feel this way. “Often, they blame themselves for not having the perfect lives they desire. When this occurs, the pursuit of the perfect moment breeds feelings of inferiority that can lead to self-harm.”

“Chronic stress problems can also occur,” said Tovar. “It makes you feel tired and unbalanced, or that that you need to connect with people for more social interaction.” Tovar says this syndrome is a kind of “pessimism factory,” since it creates a vicious circle in which our mind gets used to negativity because we never experience the unattainable perfect moment.

How to deal with it

“To overcome this feeling, start by reducing social media usage. Constant exposure to perfect situations amplifies the sense of emptiness,” said Tovar. “I would encourage people to develop daily habits that fulfill their need for rest, leisure, laughter and play. Additionally, mental health strategies like yoga, meditation and sports can help maintain a positive mood independent of external factors.”

Many studies, including one from the University of Utah, confirm that practicing mindfulness can help us better cope with these sensations. By focusing on the present, we can appreciate it without dwelling on what could have been. “Mindfulness helps us focus on how we’re feeling about what we’re doing right now, whether it’s eating, showering or kissing. It’s about being in the moment instead of fantasizing,” said Tovar.

For Laura Esquinas, “To benefit from mindfulness, we must change our beliefs and internalize that perfection doesn’t exist. Unforgettable moments and magical situations can be beautiful, even if they’re not perfect. We can influence them by paying attention to what we like and following our passions. But some things are simply beyond our control. Mindfulness helps manage expectations by being aware of each step and moment. Since perfection isn’t realistic, mindfulness is valuable when you’re feeling frustrated by something unexpected.”

To control “Perfect Moment” syndrome, Esquinas said, “Instead of focusing on the outcome or the future, pay attention to what you truly want to do or enjoy doing. The idea is to act based on your own wants and needs, and put your focus there.” Now there’s an interesting New Year’s resolution for 2024.

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