Why gossip isn’t as toxic as you might think: It can also be used for good

It happens at work, with friends, and even within the family. Whether you like it or not, gossip arises daily. The act of speaking indiscreetly – or maliciously – about other people and their affairs is almost part of everyday life.

People spend approximately one hour a day gossiping, as confirmed by a study published in February 2024 in the academic journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS). The report, titled Explaining the Evolution of Gossip, clarifies how gossip has evolved to help social groups function, by disseminating useful information about their members and fostering cooperation.

“Gossip is a ubiquitous feature of human communication,” explains psychologist and psychotherapist Bárbara Zorrilla. “From a social-psychological perspective, gossip helps reinforce social norms — what’s appropriate and what’s not — which is why gossip is often used to socially sanction people who don’t comply with these norms,” she details.

Psychologist and human behavior expert Silvia Manjavacas agrees that gossip makes us feel like part of a group. It’s a way of bonding and regulating relationships, creating a sense of belonging, and even relieving tension. “There’s [such a thing as] good gossip, as long as there’s no intention to harm the other person [or] expose their privacy without their consent,” this expert argues.

However, when gossip becomes a form of judgment, or when it’s used as a weapon against another person, it becomes harmful. “It’s not a question of frequency, but of content. Acting on unverified information is very dangerous. For example, a person with narcissistic traits may want to ruin someone’s reputation through malicious gossip,” Zorrilla points out.

“When it becomes a way to exclude or control others and reinforces power dynamics (‘I know something you don’t know’) — [given the fact that] we rarely have the full context — what’s conveyed is only part of the story, told from a specific perspective. The thoughts we generate from rumors are often automatic, distorted and difficult to question,” Manjavacas argues.

Who you gossip with matters more than the gossip itself

Generally, people enjoy gossip. It’s fun, pleasurable and generates emotional release. In fact, one of the most important considerations when gossiping is who you gossip with. The study titled How Information on Networks Facilitates Strategic Gossip, published last July in the scientific journal Nature Human Behavior, concludes that humans are capable of instinctively calculating who to gossip with, taking into account the popularity of the person being talked about and the listener’s connection to them. This cognitive process allows gossip to spread widely and quickly, while still minimizing the risk of it reaching the wrong person.

“Not all [listeners] are the same,” Manajavacas analyzes. “There are those who carefully and discreetly [hear] a comment… and those who turn it into crossfire. [Before you gossip, you should] know who’s fueling criticism and who has the ability to spread it. Choosing who you share [gossip] with isn’t only about choosing the level of damage you wish [to inflict]: it’s also about determining the role that you’ll play in that conversation,” Manjavacas analyzes.

“Gossip activates an area of the brain that we know as the reward circuit, because dopamine is released. [Gossiping] is like an addiction,” Zorrilla notes. “In the chain of rumor transmission, it’s been proven how gossip is distorted and the original message changes as it’s passed from one person to another. If there are malicious links in this chain, they’ll be responsible for adding a sensationalist and pejorative component. Once the rumor has started, the initial sender loses control of [the] communication path,” says clinical psychologist María Ángeles Fernández. According to the American Psychological Association, if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all. This stops things from getting out of control.

The person who hears gossip is also responsible for its dissemination, regardless of the medium they choose. “Why do I need to share this? What does it make me feel to know this information? Am I contributing to a conversation, or just fueling morbid curiosity?” Manjavacas lists questions that people should ask themselves. “If we hear gossip, we must treat it with awareness and care,” she cautions. “We shouldn’t spread something we don’t know is true, nor should we act on gossip, because there’s a difference between taking note [of something] and making decisions. The healthy thing to do is to check with the person involved and understand the context.”

“Gossip isn’t dichotomous. What’s important is how we use it: whether to connect or divide, to understand or to judge.” Manjavacas adds.

Where is the line between chatting and gossiping?

Talking is a way of expressing thoughts, feelings, experiences and ideas to the people around us. “You can talk about information that is true and real, that has rigor. What matters is the intent and the veracity of the content. If there’s no negative intent and the gossip is true, it can’t be called a malicious rumor: rather, it’s merely gossip,” Manjavacas argues. “For example: ‘Pepe is going on vacation to the Caribbean this year with his new girlfriend.’”

“If the intention is to share information about someone else’s life with another person without malice, self-reflection] can be encouraged, [via] dialogue and listening. People [often] talk about the private affairs of others; [these are] everyday events that reflect the complexity of human life. We like to learn about others so that [we can compare our lives with theirs] and gauge our personal and family issues,” Fernández asserts. “In community or family settings, a well-intentioned comment being shared can open up spaces for reflection… so long as we protect the confidentiality and dignity of the other person,” Manjavacas cautions.

“When we think about the well-being of the person we’re talking about, there’s a focus on the common good,” Fernández points out. “Information can be conveyed by using gossip, in order to exemplify something that needs to be improved in the community. Or, it can serve as a basis for dialogue and reflection, allowing for solutions to be sought out to help the social group.”

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