Men who walk ahead of their partners: Why those steps matter

On TikTok, videos of men walking in front of their partners are trending. “A good husband walks” is the headline of a column written by Allan Ripp in The Wall Street Journal. “My wife complained that I tended to stride ahead of her — so I changed,” he writes. The way people walk together can indicate the power, intimacy and consideration that exist within a relationship. Research in social psychology indicates that, mostly, people’s physical positioning is a reflection of the psychological roles they play.

A study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior revealed that those who tend to walk ahead are more likely to be perceived as the leader or as controlling interaction. Is this necessarily negative? Not exactly, but Dr. John Gottman, who specializes in relationships, states in his research that emotional connection manifests itself in small gestures. Of course, adapting to the pace of others when walking is one of them and when one partner does not respond to the small daily cues of the other, the emotional distance grows.

Ripp explains that after his wife’s reproach, he found many videos on social media in which different psychologists and internet users analyzed similar phenomena. Michele Paradise, who specializes in recovering from narcissistic abuse, is among them. “Although walking ahead of others is something that can go unnoticed, it is actually quite significant. Narcissists often walk ahead of the rest to reassert their dominance and be seen as leaders. It is their way of pointing out that they are more important than you or anyone else in the group. And this simple action is based on their need to feel superior and different,” she says.

Is this an exaggeration? Olga Barroso, a psychologist specializing in the care of female survivors of domestic abuse, believes that it is essential to pay attention to the way in which each person is treated by their partner. “That a man is ahead of us means that he cannot be by our side; that is, he literally cannot walk by our side in life. In most cases, this is because he only feels comfortable in a position that allows him to set the pace, to be the one who is followed rather than an equal. It responds to the fact that he needs to be superior to his partner. It is a big red flag,” she explains to EL PAÍS.

According to María Bilbao, whose approach combines health psychology with a gender, inclusion, and diversity perspective, it’s not possible to draw a general conclusion around this behavior. “There are people who do not know how to be in a group or in company. They are very individualistic and find it difficult to keep to the pace others set. It can also be a sign of unconscious leadership, or a case of hyper-pragmatism with people prioritizing activity over bonding. I think that talking about narcissism or control based on a single behavior is quite risky and simplistic. It is true that it’s unusual to see the reverse — the woman in front — but men learn in a specific way when socialized to expansively occupy public space,” she says.

However, many women are becoming so irritated by this habit that they upload videos online showing their partners steaming ahead. This social media trend is something that Rahaf Harfoush, a digital anthropologist, finds particularly annoying. “At some point, we’re going to have to address the fact that you, the person who is left behind, are allowing this to continue to happen. Are there any consequences for leaving you behind? Probably not, other than you film a passive-aggressive video and upload it. But the fact that you feel comfortable enough to upload this video tells me that this happens quite a bit and that you’re frustrated. And I understand, I would be too. But here’s the thing: my husband would never walk in front of me. That’s not a behavior that I would tolerate. I would never leave myself behind because we don’t have that kind of relationship. We walk together. Why are we tolerating this?” she asks.

Barroso, author of Ruptures. Relationships Between Men and Women in the Patriarchy (Shackleton books, 2026), believes that if the man felt good in a horizontal relationship with a shared decision on what the rhythm of it was, he would not always or almost always walk three meters ahead. “I think it is a sign that it is beyond them to see, feel, and treat their partners as an equal. This is something that can occur in a narcissistic person, as well as in a controlling person and in one with a psychopathic tendency. These people cannot be comfortable and calm in a relationship unless their partner not only gets behind them, but also obeys from behind,” she says.

“If someone has a partner who never walks next to them yet does not have authoritarian behaviors, difficulties in coping when contradicted or when a mistake is pointed out, or who has trouble allowing their partner to lead, write to me because we would be facing a statistical and psychological anomaly, in the vein of kiwis can fly.”

Let’s go back to Allan Ripp, the man who slowed down to walk alongside his wife after she pointed out his striding ahead. “I recently hurt my ankle, but we kept walking. On one outing I noticed Sarah starting to draw away from me with no impediment ahead. Her pace accelerated and I had trouble keeping up — she wasn’t looking back. Then I remembered it was her day to pick up our granddaughter from after-school ballet. Let her go on, I thought. It beats being married to a narcissist,” he writes. So, maybe kiwis can fly...

Sign up for our weekly newsletter to get more English-language news coverage from EL PAÍS USA Edition