From gym bros to Funko collectors: Why a generation of men are avoiding growing up

University professors increasingly report that adult students often come to their offices pleading for undeserved passing grades, frequently accompanied by their parents. Other signs of this trend are apparent: in 2023, 28% of European toy manufacturers’ sales were from adults buying toys for themselves, and companies like Lego, recognizing this growing demographic, now dedicate more than one-sixth of their designs to adult consumers.

Psychologists also warn that many relationships falter in the face of conflict, with the couple choosing to part ways before trying to find resolution. This immaturity is reflected in election campaigns, where nearly all politicians engage in the latest TikTok challenges. Moreover, superhero movies are increasingly featuring simplistic plots, and even criminals have begun to exhibit capricious teenage behavior, leaving old mafia bosses, like Tony Soprano from The Sopranos, yearning for the more reliable codes of the past.

According to Keith J. Hayward, a criminology professor at the University of Copenhagen, society has become increasingly infantilized. In his latest book Infantilized: How Our Culture Killed Adulthood, Hayward argues that both mass culture and modern lifestyle are pushing a significant portion of the adult population to adopt behaviors and mindsets that were once exclusive to children. This shift is not characterized by the innocence or charm often associated with childhood; rather, it reflects childhood’s worst traits — egotism, narcissism, indiscipline, disconnection from reality, and inability to control frustration.

In this regard, Hayward’s book aligns with the works of other conservative thinkers, such as self-help author Jordan Peterson and Spanish philosopher Jorge Freire, who, in Become Who You Are, proposed a “code of morals” to help individuals become industrious by circumventing the traps of contemporary society. Like them, Hayward provides a long list of good practices aimed at avoiding infantilization. However, he takes a more thorough approach, providing a detailed examination of the institutions he believes are succumbing to this trend — from parliaments to academia —, and its impact on everyday life.

Of course, criticism of “grown men” playing with dolls is not new. Long before Funko Pops became a sensation, columnists like Rupert Myers, writing for The Guardian, expressed concern about the popularity of plastic figures based on television series. He argued: A dose of escapism in adult life is no bad thing, but one of the greatest defining elements of adulthood is that our mature imaginations do not require physical playthings. “We don’t need to put the shapes through the holes, or weave with loom bands, because we have developed a sophisticated adult culture around words, music, movement and images.”

This critique extends beyond dolls (or video games with colorful aesthetics, such as those produced by Nintendo). In many online spaces — particularly masculinized forums like Reddit or certain X-rated environments — masculinity is often reduced to two archetypes: the progressive Funko collector, representing a modern twist on the classic geek, and the individual who rejects infantilization, perceiving himself as an ascetic or stoic. Often, this latter group unknowingly embodies traits associated with the old 1990s geek culture.

These two poles reflect caricatures of how we perceive and organize the world, both digital and analog. As more men engage in playful activities, it raises the question of whether the critics of infantilization are merely nostalgic or genuinely concerned about a deeper issue. With many young men aspiring to become “Mediterranean warriors” through rigorous gym routines and countless others dedicating their free time to online gaming, collecting, and forum discussions, it poses the question: is this reflection of a failure in society or simply a matter of consumer choice? Furthermore, could it be that these seemingly opposing groups share a common trait: an inability to take charge of their present circumstances?

What does it mean to be a man?

The question of what it means to be a man and how he should behave is not new; it has been a pervasive theme in our culture for generations. However, it began to be raised in similar ways as today in the early 20th century. In classic novels like Joseph Roth’s The Radetzky March, characters emerged who resisted the pressures of adulthood.

A few decades later, during the counterculture era, questions surrounding what it means to be a man became even more explicit. For instance, in 1966, The Who posed the question “What makes a man, a man?” in their song Tattoo. By 1982, the openly gay singer Joe Jackson further complicated the discussion with his song Real Men.

So, while the question has remained the same, what has shifted over the past decade are the possible answers and, more importantly, how these answers are formed. After centuries of dominance, the male and heterosexual gaze is no longer the sole architect of masculinity.

“What intensifies the question of masculine identity and provokes feelings of unease or uncertainty is the influence of feminist and LGBTQ+ movements,” explains filmmaker and theorist Gala Hernández. “When feminist women question what it means to be a woman — following Beauvoir’s assertion that ‘one is not born, but rather becomes a woman’ — it sets in motion a process of negative definition that redraws cultural boundaries and triggers similar introspection among men.”

She continues: “This shift compels men, willingly or not, to undergo their own process of deconstruction. Although some resist and refuse, masculinity, long accepted as a universal and naturalized norm, is now being questioned. In other words, one also becomes a man, it is not a given.”

In her book The Feminist Killjoy, writer and activist Sara Ahmed urges feminists to challenge everything from cultural norms to everyday jokes. This approach is being adopted across various spheres, causing discomfort for many men, according to Antonio J. Rodríguez, author of The New Masculinity of Always. “We are seeing a male society in crisis, but not necessarily a crisis of masculinity itself. What are feminisms, if not a critique of masculine privilege? It’s as if we were reeling from a boxing punch,” he says.

Hernández says this process can “end up crystallizing in reactionary masculinism movements that seem to seek to eliminate these uncomfortable questions at all costs.” Yet, these shifts also create opportunities for those who choose to navigate this process differently or adapt to the changes unfolding around them.

Ascetics and crybabies

In one of her standout cultural analysis videos, critic Estela Ortiz delves into the “bro culture” of the 2000s. Using examples like American Pie, Fight Club, and music by Blink-182 and Avril Lavigne, Ortiz unpacks mainstream content from an era when it was not only accepted but popular to “hate women and act like a high school bully.”

This era likely contributed to a significant portion of both modern-day misogyny and the trend of infantilization. These cultural staples, including shows like Jackass —which, as Hayward notes, “seem to have been made by pre-adolescents and cultivate apathetic viewers who are happy to avoid everything that comes with adult life” — played a role in shaping attitudes that persist today.

Rodríguez disagrees with this argument, and believes a person’s taste in movies and films is “not relevant” in determining whether they are infantilized. “An infantile adult,” he says, “is someone disconnected from the responsibilities of adulthood, and in a world like ours, such disconnection is not easily achievable.”

Material conditions, however, are crucial, says Rodríguez, as shown by the ongoing protests against high housing costs. For some generations, youth is not a choice but a necessity imposed by economic constraints. “In the big cities you see that, without help, no one can hope to raise the down payment on a house, and also that no one has time to see their friends,” he explains. But, Rodríguez adds, a decent job will allow a person to travel, buy gadgets and spend money on the “culture of indulgence”: “However, even if you gave that up, you still wouldn’t be able to live like an adult from the 1960s.”

More than preferences, behaviors, or cultural choices, it is stagnant wages and today’s cost of living that infantilize young adults, forcing many to live with their parents into their thirties. In this economic landscape, paired with a “crisis of masculinity,” it’s not surprising to see escapist trends such as infantilization and its counterpart, gym stoicism — a model of a muscular, simplified man akin to a childhood fantasy. This isn’t limited to men, as Hernández notes: “Women also look for preset identities that relieve them of the effort of constructing themselves creatively and subjectively, as we are equally ensnared by digital capitalism. Just as men have the ‘Mediterranean warrior,’ women have the tradwife.”

The simplicity of these identities thrives in digital spaces partly due to convenience — “it’s easier to be given an instruction manual on what opinions to have and how to live than to face the challenge of inventing oneself,” Hernández remarks — and partly due to the spread of mimetic desire, as explained by René Girard. Online, people often mimic others’ desires, whether for the latest video game or achieving a higher weight on the bench press.

And regarding adults collecting toys, perhaps this isn’t the alarming trend it appears to be. “You can have a PhD in Plato or Proust and still be completely childish,” Rodríguez says. “Childishness in adults stems has to do with evading the responsibilities of adult life, which is especially difficult today, not from how one spends their discretionary income. And between unwinding with Lego or a diazepam, I’d choose Lego.”

Perhaps that is why Lego has just developed a whole methodology to improve work environments through Lego games. It is called Lego Serious Play and, like almost everything, can be either a productivity trap or a genuinely enjoyable and beneficial hobby.

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