Breaking the cycle of violence

Rosalía Vicente says that it was her husband's behavior during mealtimes that finally led her, after many years of abuse, to end their marriage. "He would get into a terrible rage, and throw things around the room, knives, food, anything," says the 60-year-old, her voice betraying no bitterness. Talking about her husband, she says that she loved him, despite the physical and emotional suffering he inflicted on her, and which on many occasions led her to contemplate suicide. For many years, she says, she was unable to smile, or to see the point of life, but over time, she is gradually recovering her will to live.

She finally reported her husband to the police two years ago: he was sentenced to a jail term, and she is slowly rebuilding her life: "It's a new beginning, and I'm happy," she says. She has found part-time work and is living in a new apartment close to her two sons on the outskirts of Madrid. "My husband had trapped me in a coffin, but I've broken out, and now I'm free," she says, smiling timidly.

In 2011, 60 women died at the hands of their partners or former partners

Figures show that 600,000 women are currently being abused in Spain

It took Vicente several years to reach the point where she was ready to report her husband, and she was only able to leave him when she began to accept that she had been suffering abuse at his hands. "The psychiatrists finally made me see," she explains. The final straw came during a particularly violent incident when the police were called. The officers were unable to restrain Vicente's husband, and he was taken to the psychiatric ward of a Madrid hospital. Initially, Vicente was prepared to wait for her husband to come home. "But they told me that there was nothing wrong with him, he was not ill, he was simply a wife beater. So I called the free phone number for abused women, packed my suitcase and went to a women's refuge. I was terrified. It has taken this long, and many tears."

Rosalía Vicente has no doubts that she made the right decision, but she also understands the fear that prevents others like her from breaking up with violent men. Over the course of 2011, 60 women died at the hands of their partners or former partners, and there are already two new victims in 2012. Police suspect the husband in the case of a woman found dead in Girona province in Catalonia.

Despite efforts over the last decade to counter the problem, it is showing no signs of going away. Government figures show that 600,000 women currently face violence from their partners or former partners. Last year's figures are a slight improvement on those for 2010, when 73 women were murdered, but over the course of the last eight years, since the government of former Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero introduced special courts to deal with gender-specific violence, the figures have not improved. This, despite more than 150,000 jail terms having been handed down to men found guilty of violence against their partners. It is believed that only a quarter of victims have reported their situation to the authorities. This unwillingness on the part of most women suffering abuse makes it hard for the police and the judiciary to prevent violence, says the government secretariat tasked with equality. Neither, it seems, are family members or others in close contact with women suffering violence prepared to intervene: of the 130,000 complaints made last year, only a quarter came from parents, friends or doctors.

But those working to tackle violence against women say that change is slowly coming about. Miguel Lorente, an expert who has advised the government on the subject, says that there was a 10-percent increase in complaints involving gender-specific violence last year. "The noose is tightening, and there is a growing rejection of violence against women by society," he says.

Others working to combat the problem highlight the importance of increasing social awareness of the problem, and of a zero-tolerance approach. "A lot of the time women simply cannot take the initiative to report a man. That is why it is important for the rest of us to do something," says Consuelo Abril, lawyer and member of the government's commission into violence against women.

Women who have suffered years of abuse and finally broken the cycle say that few people understand how difficult it is to bring an end to a relationship that often dates back many years, and that has usually produced children. Graci Prada, who for 31 of her 46 years has lived with a violent man, explains that she sees herself not so much as a victim, but as a survivor. "Before, I had no life, but now I am beginning to have a sense of hope, to enjoy things. Nobody should have to endure being treated like that, but the idea of reporting your husband is frightening, because you don't know what is going to happen, whether you will get the support you need, whether people will even believe you... but that must never be a reason for not doing so, because life outside the prison of violence is always going to be better," she says. Prada left her husband two years ago, taking her two children with her: "I would never have believed that I would feel like I do now."

Prada is a member of the Ana Bella Foundation, set up by Ana Bella Estévez, who took her four children with her when she left her abusive husband. The foundation offers support to women trying to escape violent relationships. "When they see the murder cases, the violence, it puts many women off reporting their situation, and they obviously think that it could happen to them. Which is why it is so important for women to know that aggressors are sentenced, and that leaving them is the best thing they can do," says Antonia Ávalos, co-founder of the foundation, which not only offers accommodation, but part-time employment.

C. L, who prefers not to give her name because she is awaiting the outcome of a trial against her husband, says that she felt completely alone during more than 10 years in an abusive marriage, and that had she heard more stories like those of Vicente, Prada and Ávalos, she might have acted sooner. "One day I just realized that I couldn't take it anymore. I waited for him to leave for work, packed a case, took the kids, got on a bus and left," she says. She moved to another region, and when she felt strong enough, reported her husband to the authorities.

Initially she was given accommodation in an apartment provided by social services. She was later moved to a shelter, where she was able to recover. It wasn't easy. "It is hard to make ends meet, but you have to stay strong and keep going," she says.

Women trying to start a new life need financial help, stresses Ana María Pérez del Campo, who heads an association of divorced and separated women that focuses on helping women leave abusive relationships, and which has shelters and help centers throughout Spain offering medical and psychological support for women. "Until women really understand that when they report a man for violence he is going straight to prison, and that there is support out there, women will continue to suffer in silence," she says.

There are other reasons why women are reluctant to report abusive partners. "People don't always understand, but these women have been suffering psychological abuse for years, and they tend to excuse their aggressors," says Abril, citing figures that show that up to 40 percent of people believe that women are to blame for staying with abusive men. "But many women are also tied to their partners economically. They think that they will be left homeless in the street, abandoned to their fate," she says. Then there is the pressure that men put on women to forgive them, promising that they will change their ways, and which convince many women to give them a second chance. Women are also fearful that their husbands or partners will pursue them after they have served their prison term: around 12 percent of reports are subsequently withdrawn.

Talking to women who have escaped from abusive relationships, a similar pattern emerges: violence, verbal and physical; men who try to isolate their partners and control their lives. "I remember that a woman I had made friends with at the swimming pool called me up one night to ask why I had stopped going to the pool. We had become close, and she suspected that something was wrong. My husband went insane, demanding to know who that 'filthy bitch' was, and saying that we were lovers. He grabbed me by the neck. I thought he was going to strangle me. He didn't want me to have any friends, he isolated me from my family and friends," says Rosalía Vicente.

The women who have taken the courageous step to break with the past are determined to build a new future for themselves, and they want to help other women trapped in violent and abusive relationships. "The younger generation is more responsive, more aware of the issue, but the problem of violence is still with us. That is why I try to make my children understand the issue. I don't want them making the same mistake," says Graci Prada. Her problems began with her first boyfriend, whom she married when she was just 16. "Before, people used to try to hide the problem; there was a belief that it was somehow normal. The only way we can change that is through education about equality, and warning young women of the risks," she says.