Lawsuits, bulimia and a near-death experience: Kesha’s neverending comebacks

In 2014, the singer Kesha Rose Sebert (Kesha) filed a lawsuit accusing her producer, Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald (Dr. Luke), of rape, emotional abuse and coerced drug consumption that led to her bulimia. Kesha was contractually bound with Kemosabe Records, owned by Dr. Luke, to deliver six upcoming albums. She failed to win that lawsuit and was forced to remain associated with Dr. Luke for upcoming projects. Almost a decade has passed and the legal battles between the two are still raging. Dr. Luke’s countersuit for defamation is scheduled to go to trial in July.

Kesha released a new album in May titled Gag Order, an obvious reference to her ongoing fight with Dr. Luke, who stands to profit from the album. “I’ve had this self-imposed, implied gag order since I can remember, ‘cause I’m still in litigation,” the singer told Self magazine. In the June 2023 issue, Kesha talks about her return to the world of music and recent health scares.

Not only did 2014 mark the beginning of her legal battle, but it was also the year she checked into a center to confront her eating disorders. “I had a particular moment with my eating disorder when the anxiety just got so high that I was not functioning. It was taking up so much of my brain space, from morning to night. I was obsessed with what I looked like, what went in my mouth, what size things were, and people’s approval,” said Kesha. In her 2014 legal filing, Kesha alleged that Dr. Luke “cruelly and incessantly criticized” her weight. She later submitted emails from Dr. Luke to a New York court, in which he claimed that other people in the industry wouldn’t want to work with her if she didn’t lose weight.

“I have a support system in place [of therapists] that I speak to weekly or monthly,” she said in the Self interview, talking about her recovery from bulimia. Kesha also said she is now enjoying food for the first time. “I love food. I started cooking, and I go to the farmers market.” When she’s on tour, Kesha maintains a diet routine that ensures she doesn’t lose sight of her health. “I always have three meal breaks, ‘cause being in recovery, I need to have time to sit and have a meal.”

Kesha burst onto the global stage in 2009 with her debut single Tik Tok from her Animal album. The world saw her as a wild and crazy, party-loving woman. “Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep,” was the first lyric on the album’s first song (Your Love Is My Drug). The music video for Tik Tok shows the singer waking up in a bathtub with smudged mascara and messy hair after a night of partying. She brushes her teeth with whiskey, gets dressed and goes out partying again. For years, she held onto an image fabricated by others. But her life now bears no resemblance to the girl who once claimed to brush her teeth with Jack Daniel’s .”I have about 30 minutes before I go on stage where I meditate, stretch, and do breathing exercises. People probably think I’m back there doing shots, and [my routine is] the most zen shit you’ve ever seen.”

The media spotlight has been on the singer for quite some time now, but she prefers keeping her personal life private. She refused to reveal her boyfriend’s name in the Self interview or talk about their relationship, but she chose to open up about a recent health scare. “I almost died in January,” Kesha said. In 2022, Kesha was diagnosed with common variable immunodeficiency (CVID), a primary immunodeficiency that can cause multiple lung infections, systemic bacterial infections, and gastrointestinal complications. Last year, she froze her eggs and a few weeks later performed a New Year’s Eve concert in the Bahamas. After the show, she found she was too weak to walk. She went to the hospital, where doctors discovered that she had developed a rare and serious complication from the fertility procedure, which they attributed, in part, to her weakened immune system. She was in the hospital for nine days. “I finally feel recovered, but it took a couple [of] months,” she said.

Since Kesha’s legal battles with Dr. Luke started, the singer has released three albums: Rainbow (2017); High Road (2020); and now Gag Order. She never felt like giving up on music, but wanted to make it on her own terms. Talking about her latest album with Rolling Stone, Kesha said, “I feel like I’m giving birth to the most intimate thing I’ve ever created… I really dug into some of my uglier emotions and sides of myself that are less fun. It’s scary being vulnerable. The fact that I have compiled an entire record of these emotions, of anger, of insecurity, of anxiety, of grief, of pain, of regret, all of that is so nerve-racking — but it’s also so healing.”

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