Samantha Hudson, singer: ‘Why do you want to unmask me? Is what I offer you not enough?’

There are people who are difficult to interview, because their work already says it all (just try getting answers out of chefs or soccer players). And then, there are those who are almost impossible to interview, because they’ve said everything there is to say about themselves.

Samantha Hudson, 24, falls into the latter category. She’s used to explaining herself. There’s no one like her on the Spanish scene. Although, if she didn’t speak for herself, perhaps it would be impossible to understand her.

She started using this name around 2015, while she was a student at a high school in Mallorca. Shortly afterwards, a school project of hers – a song called Maricón (fagg*t), posted on YouTube – went viral.

Hudson has managed to retain this controversial fame. She began to be known as a pop star with working-class roots and principles – a representative of the social and cultural underground. She also identifies as a gender non-conforming person (neither male nor female). More recently, she defines herself as a non-binary trans girl.

Once, a Spanish TV host asked her if she liked having a penis.

“What did you say in response?”

“[I answered] that I liked my penis… but that kind of question is very inappropriate. If you don’t understand [a person’s background], it’s very risky. Maybe it could cause someone to experience dysphoria (a rejection of one’s own body). But I told myself, ‘why am I going to get angry and make this man feel bad?’ And so, [I responded].”

There’s the life of Samantha Hudson and then there’s the work of Samantha Hudson. To date, she’s released three albums. However, while she’s toured all over Spain, the work that she’s best known for is what she says, not what she sings. Hudson doesn’t shy away from discussing precariousness, gender, machismo, the absurdity of fame or the burnout culture. She talks about our times and her life. And she speaks without pretentiousness: she has a strong voice, a sweet tone and a crooked smile. There are also tinges of sarcasm and defiance – she’s sincere, but also a little artificial, as if she can’t quite believe her rise to fame.

Last week, she won the distinction for Best Spanish Artist at the 2023 MTV Europe Music Awards, which is given out based on a popular vote. Her most trashy era – when she used to wear outfits decorated with SpongeBob and speak in an unserious tone – has become outdated. She now has her own style, both musically and esthetically.

“I’ve always seen myself as a big superstar,” she notes. “In recent years, the only thing that has changed is that more and more people actually see me as a big superstar. It’s like impostor syndrome, but not for myself – it’s for other people, you know? I don’t see myself as an imposter, but others do.”

“So people still see you as an impostor?”

“I mean, obviously not the girls who are my fans. But there are still lots of people who [don’t respect me]. I’ve never taken any triumph or any defeat too seriously… I try to absorb everything in a prudent way and not let myself be crushed [by failure] or get drunk on success.”

To the observer, Hudson is living the third act of life that isn’t even 25-years-old. If her popularity is atypical, her potential staying power is unknown. Can someone who has spent their entire life explaining themselves out loud really grow? What room is there to change, when so much of what you have thought about yourself is stored in an online archive?

“You should never listen to yourself when it’s past nine at night,” Hudson warns. “You get into bed and, suddenly, you’re bombarded by intrusive thoughts: I always want to go through the [online news section]. I watch videos and read interviews and say, ‘Oh my God, I expressed myself so badly.’ Then, the next morning, the feeling goes away. There’s no need to judge ourselves so forcefully. If I hadn’t had [a specific] thought – which I may no longer agree with – perhaps I wouldn’t be where I am today,” she reflects. “It’s normal that a stage from the past no longer represents us… we may even perceive it in an alien way. But that also makes me excited: ‘Look how young and absurd I was!’”

She continues: “I always do everything thinking about when I’m an old woman. And I really like feeling that I will be able to look back at my interviews from when I was younger, or all the photos that were taken [of me]. I buy the magazines and keep them; I cut out the [stories they write about me in the] newspapers and put them in an album. I always look at myself with mercy and nostalgia, more than with resentment or remorse. Especially because I’ve [gone through some phases] that, if I were to judge them now, I would sink into misery.”

Question. How do you imagine yourself as an old lady?

Answer. Well, I have a problem, because I imagine myself with giant tits. But right now I don’t have body dysphoria, so I don’t know if that’s going to happen.

Q. You have a lot of time between now and then.

A. I have time, yes. But I don’t know how appropriate it is to undergo surgery when you’re so old, especially to get huge boobs [laughs]. I imagine myself as... very withdrawn and very quiet. A neighborhood lady, you know? The typical [old lady], quirky, with very dyed hair. She knows the fruit vendor, everyone says hello to her. I want to be like that. And I don’t expect to be a legend, or for people to remember me, either. In fact, the less they remember me, the better. I want to be sort of cult-like. Maybe they call me once a year [for a documentary] and that’s it.

It’s very overwhelming that so many people think about you. I have no perception of myself. Sometimes, I forget that I exist. I feel like life is a feverish dream. “Oh, I won an MTV award.” But I also think it’s part of my charm and it helps me a lot to not take things so seriously. It’s very strange to exist.

Q. It’s strange to exist?

A. I have no self-perception. I don’t feel like I’m a public figure or that I’m a star. When I go out to party, thank goodness I’m a decent girl, because if not...

Sometimes, I’m so embarrassed and inappropriate. And all these people know I’m Samantha Hudson. They could easily ruin my life, but they don’t.

Q. Ah, the power of being nice.

A. If you’re a girl, or a racialized person, or gender non-conformist, etc., you’re not allowed to be unpleasant or rude or angry. In general, people tend to dehumanize you or not empathize too much with your experiences, because they perceive you [as being] different, isolated, alien. Otherness doesn’t belong. Men don’t find it necessary to deal with misogyny or women’s issues. White people don’t feel the need or responsibility to pay attention to structural racism. For straight cis people, being LGBT is a niche thing.

Q. And how do you deal with this?

A. Since others already empathize so little, if you suddenly get angry, or allow yourself the luxury of acting in line with your emotions, you may seem like a despot, or an unpleasant aunt who has lost their temper. Being angry totally discredits [your voice]. That’s why, in interviews, I always have a neutral and pleasant tone of voice. If I [wasn’t charming], I would just be a character who is disliked by the public.

Q. Do you self-censor?

A. [Yes, but] as soon as you’re a little established, you can take certain licenses. Maybe I’ll tell someone, “hey, what you’re saying doesn’t interest me at all’ and it seems like a totally out of place comment… but people still find it funny. I’ve developed a language that’s always somewhere between the serious and the ironic, so it’s very difficult to know whether I’m talking to you seriously or whether I’m making a joke.

Q. That’s a recurring theme in all your interviews! Have you noticed that there’s an intention to unmask Samantha Hudson, to see how much truth there is in her statements and her lyrics, to find out who’s really behind the hair and the voice?

A. People are very fond of the explicit, of the truth. Sometimes, the truth isn’t as important as the narrative. I do everything for the narrative, the narrative of my life. That’s why I said that I dissociate and see myself in the third person – I always think that I’m in a kind of Truman Show, a series that I star in.

There are times when you feel like the secondary character in your own life. That seems really sad to me. Since high school, I’ve told myself that I have to be the main character of this TV movie, which is my life.

Q. Do you really feel like that?

A Yes. And even if I didn’t, why are [people always] trying to unmask me? Why do they always want me to go further? Isn’t what we offer enough, aren’t the anecdotes I’m telling you enough?

You’ll never know if some things are true or not. Poetry reigns above reality… I don’t want my life to be hyperrealistic, I want my life to be poetic. [Interviewers] have always asked me: “How much of Iván is in you (the name on her government-issued ID) and how much of Samantha is in you?” It seems pretty audacious to me. Is what I offer you not enough? Do you think it’s really that simple to design and write this complex narrative, and then you come and try to unravel it and see what’s behind it?

Next week in Madrid, Hudson will begin her latest tour. It features her most complex and mature work. “I feel a little further away from that grotesque trashy atmosphere that I [embraced] before. I take myself more seriously now,” she confesses. “It’s true that the musical production is much better and the sound feels upgraded. I feel like this rapper-comfort thing suits me more.”

“I’m always excited to prepare for concerts. When I have an idea, I say ‘let’s take [this] to the choreographers, let’s plan a choreography, let’s change the lighting design, let me talk to the graphic designer to make the visuals.’ [You try to capture] an imaginary universe and people come to see you. And suddenly, an idea you had in your head materializes and people get to enjoy it. It’s really fun. I think there’s a kind of grace in creation and, in general, dedicating yourself to something artistic. I find it very fun, having something in your head and suddenly having it exist in a tangible way. I enjoy that a lot.”

Q. But doesn’t this contradict your rhetoric in favor of leisure?

A. I don’t like to brag that I work, because I don’t think that work is worth bragging about. I’m also embarrassed to [praise] myself. But I work hard on my projects.

Samantha’s work is quite political. She’s released videos where she has criticized traditional Spanish imagery, as well as the far-right. Her opinions are essential to her image. “[It’s easy to get infuriated] by seeing yourself overshadowed by your identity or your political opinions. There are things that I embrace that I’m proud of… but facing that absurd pigeonholing by the media is very tiring. There came a point when [reporters] were asking me questions that are meant for a cabinet minister. I told them, ‘love, it’s seven in the morning, I mean, please, ask me something more relaxed.’”

“Still, I keep [being vocal]. Especially at my concerts. In the end, my speech is part of my art. I also think that’s why the MTV award was well-deserved. Because, I think that, for the first time in a long time, we’re getting past the algorithms, the streaming, the obsession with going viral, with hyperconsumption.”

“The concept of art that I lay claim to has been awarded – it’s a holistic and total art. My esthetic is my art. My gender identity is my art. Every time I go out dressed in one of my designs, for me, that’s a performance: all the values, the communities, the ideals that I represent. [I try to be] an inspiration for the young girls who are bursting onto the scene... all of that makes up my artistic concept. Beyond the performance, the staging and the songs, I think the greatest artistic milestone I’ve achieved was creating Samantha Hudson. I’ve been creating her from scratch since I was 15-years-old. In all the years since then, step by step, I’ve kept it up.”

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