The age when we experience the most sexual pleasure is in our 50s and 60s, but only if we are able to train the way we see things in two ways. Let’s look at how.
When we think about peak sexual encounters, the first thing that comes to mind are attractive young men and women with nice bodies. But that’s just part of the reality of the situation, and possibly the smallest part.
Sexuality is about more than just physical stamina
We know that in our 20s, we are at our best when it comes to sports and sexual prowess. But, as our cerebral cortex hasn’t fully matured, we may do foolish things for the sake of sex (although there are some that continue to do so, regardless of age).
However, sexuality is about more than just physical stamina. In his books, the psychologist David Schnarch reminds us that sex has two components: one is physical ability, which allows us to reproduce and unites us with the rest of mammals; the other is the ability to achieve intimacy and enjoy eroticism. While the former is lost over time, the second increases as we gain gray hairs. But for this not to seem like a consolation prize, we need to train our way of seeing things in two ways: first, by being very practical and secondly, developing a mentality of growth.
If we believe that we can alter results with effort, we can spend more time improving our sexual relationships and cultivating intimacy
Optimism is, above all, a practical quality that helps us realize that celebrating our age is the best option, especially when we think of what the alternative is. We can try and fight reality, but it doesn’t help us with anything. The happiest people are not those who constantly seek to be right, but those who use what happens to their favor. That is why it’s not surprising that scientific studies have concluded happiness levels are higher at age 50 than they are at age 20. With maturity, we deal with problems better, we do not worry about the little things, and we stop complicating things with the mindset of “more is better.” It’s then that we are better prepared to enjoy the more simple or subtle moments. Therefore, we must embrace a practical point of view and accept things for what they are so we can enjoy what our age and maturity can bring to our sexuality.
The second key is to form a mentality of growth. As Carol Dweck, physiologist at Stamford University, says, we can see success from two perspectives: in terms of a fixed mentality that is dependent on innate or genetic abilities; or from point of view of mentality of growth that depends on effort. The same concept applies to sex. If our mentality is fixed, we think that our enjoyment depends solely on the age of our body. However, if we believe that we can alter results with effort, we can spend more time improving our sexual relationships and cultivating intimacy. This depends on us, and not our years.
With maturity, we deal with problems better, we do not worry about the little things, and we stop complicating things with the ‘more is better’ mindset
In short, Schnarch says that “cellulite and sexual potential are highly related” if we know how to train our minds. We need to be tremendously practical with our abilities and our physical limits, as well as with what maturity can bring us. Secondly, if we work on the mentality of growth and realize that sexual pleasure is a result that depends on attention and more subtle qualities, then we are able to improve.
English version by Debora Almeida.