From digital curfews to blocking apps: How technology experts protect their children online

For two decades, the number of Google searches on “parental control” has grown unceasingly. The internet allows minors to stay in touch with their friends, access information and develop skills. Still, the digital world also involves certain risks, such as the loss of privacy, cyberattacks, identity theft, fraud and exposure to inappropriate content. As more and more parents seek out training on digital security, technology experts have a privileged perspective when it comes to dangers and solutions online. EL PAÍS consulted six cybersecurity, data protection and cyberattack professionals to learn which measures they recommend families put into action.

Elena Carrera Murciego, child knowledge and awareness technician at the Spanish National Institute of Cybersecurity (INCIBE)

At nine and 12 years old, Elena Carrera Murciego’s children don’t have their own phones yet. “They use mine if they need to communicate with a friend,” she says. For schoolwork that requires one, and for entertainment purposes, they use a tablet or the computer. At their house, devices are “shared”: “They are not exclusively theirs, but rather, a loan, and are always used in common areas like the kitchen or the living room,” says Murciego. If her kids have to utilize a phone for a school assignment, and are doing the work in their study areas, the door stays open.

On the devices, they have parental controls set up that block access to certain websites and application downloads. The children still don’t have their own social media accounts, but do have an agreement with their parents as to their screen time.

Carerra also recommends getting to know kids’ digital environment. “It’s not about becoming tech experts, but having a basic understanding of the most popular apps, which ones they like best, what they use them for, who they talk to online, etc.” Carrera teaches her children to take the same precautions online as they do on the street. She warns them about the risks of social media and the importance of protecting their privacy. She reminds them that photos are part of their private life and “should not be exposed.” “If they do, they must remember that no one else should appear without their consent and that these photos will remain online forever, no matter what happens, and they can’t know if they could harm them in the future,” she explains.

Parental supervision, according to the expert, should begin with a child’s first contact with technology: “When they’re very little, from three to five years old, we talk about ‘accompaniment,’ sharing quality content and setting an example with our reactions and behaviors online.” As they grow older, purposeful use, with short time limits and conversations about their digital activity, is key. “The most important thing is that they feel confident enough to tell us if they have any doubts, that they know if they see a warning or receive a strange message, we are there to listen to and help them.”

Francisco Pérez Bes, deputy chairperson of the Spanish Data Protection Agency (AEPD)

Francisco Pérez Bes shares two stories he’s told his kids. The first was that of an 11-year-old who went to play at the house of a peer who suggested that they take naked pictures of themselves to post online. The second was of two kids who had a sleepover at the house of a friend whose parents had left out a tablet that allowed them to access pornographic sites. “Those stories show how kids use technology to do ‘adult’ things, without being conscious of the risks they’re running,” says the expert, who underlines the fact that some families can create risky situations without knowing it.

Pérez is not in favor of prohibiting or demonizing the internet, but instead advocating for moderate and conscientious usage. He tells his children, who are 11 and 12 years old, why inappropriate content exists online and why it’s not suitable for kids at their age. He also encourages them to share any inappropriate content they do find with him, so that they can analyze it together and he can tell them about available resources for reporting and blocking it. “The ultimate goal shouldn’t be to control what they do, but rather assuring ourselves that they understand the impact and consequences of their actions and that they are able to identify and mitigate risky situations,” he says.

The specialist has an agreement with his kids that they can only play online after having done their schoolwork. He establishes a time limit — which could be around 15 minutes a day — on how long they can play, which allows them to learn to manage themselves. Also, he doesn’t allow them to use screens before going to sleep or to surf the web alone at home. Pérez advises families to set limits so that their use does not take time away from key activities like sleeping and studying, set up social media profiles together so that not everyone can see what they post, be aware of their emotions after heavy use and set up technology-free moments.

Álvaro Orts Ferrer, lawyer specializing in privacy and artificial intelligence and director of Orts Consulting Firm

Until recently, Álvaro Orts Ferrer thought that the primary danger for children on the internet was access to inappropriate content. Now, with the combination of internet and artificial intelligence, he sees the problem as having grown to encompass the proliferation of fake content. “Without having to go too far, there is content on TikTok that my kids show me that is shamelessly manipulated,” he says. He encourages parents to consider that, “we are getting our children used to asking the internet or artificial intelligence any question that we don’t know the answer to, so we ourselves are giving them the impression that the internet and AI are infallible.”

Orts’s children, who are nine and 13 years old, use a mobile phone and tablet. He utilizes the Google Family Link app to “organize” the time they spend on the devices, restricting access to certain applications and setting up the type of content that they can access. In addition to controlling “exposure time”, he pays attention to the ways his kids use the internet and social media, in addition to the games they download and the ones they spend the most time playing.

Despite these precautions, Orts says that he doesn’t monitor everything his kids do online and doesn’t access their accounts to see their activity. “I don’t believe that would be ideal, because it wouldn’t be a very healthy example for our kids, who might think that the control their parents exercise is something normal that they could, with time, reproduce with their partner and in their personal relationships,” he says. For him, the best way of protecting children is “helping them to know how to identify what can harm them.” To do that, he says it’s important to avoid setting rules or banning things without a discussion first and taking advantage of day-to-day opportunities to explain possible risks. “If a piece of news comes out and it involves content they’ve seen, it opens the door to ways to talk about risks on the internet.”

Sara Antúnez, criminal lawyer and president of Stop Haters

Sara Antúnez has a 12-year-old brother and is president of the anti-cyberattack association Stop Haters. She says that when her sibling first got access to devices, their family restricted his use of the internet to avoid him accidentally stumbling onto inappropriate content. With time, they relaxed those restrictions. “When we give them their first mobile phone, which normally happens at 11 years old, there has to be exhaustive monitoring, at least during the first year, which can then be gradually relaxed,” she says.

She remembers one day when her brother was looking for information about the human body for a social studies assignment, and a pornographic website popped up. Her tactic for preparing for such circumstances is to talk to kids about what they might find online. “This includes talking about pedophilia, pornography, and other topics that, although uncomfortable, must be addressed,” she says. “It’s important for them to know that behind many online chats, there may be adult men, and that they have to be careful about their privacy,” she adds.

The mother of Antúnez’s brother supervises the sites her son visits, as well as the people with whom he interacts online. To restrict access to inappropriate content and control his duration of use, she utilizes parental controls. She also limits his use of consoles and the amount of time he watches television. Antúnez offers three fundamental pieces of advice for online security: “Never give out personal data or passwords, don’t send photos, and don’t talk with adults or young people who are more than three years older than yourself.”

Marc Rivero, Kaspersky cybersecurity expert

Marc Rivero is the father of a 10-year-old boy. He doesn’t think it’s necessary to be an expert to take effective steps towards digital protection. To do so, the key lies in educating children about risks and how to protect themselves. “One of most important pieces of advice that I give is to never share personal information, especially on social media or messaging applications,” he says. To his own son, he also explains that “information like the house address, the name of his school or even personal photos can be used in a malicious manner by strangers.”

Similarly, he teaches his kid to not accept friend requests or messages from people his child doesn’t know and to identify suspicious situations, like messages that ask him to download files, click on links or share passwords. “I also encourage him to tell me about any situation that makes him feel uncomfortable or unsafe, without fear of being judged or punished,” Rivero adds.

According to the report Estar en línea: niños y padres en internet [Being online: children and parents on the internet], 38% of children in Spain spend between one and two hours a day on the internet, while 30% are connected for more than two hours. Because of this, Rivero advises establishing clear family agreements about the use of devices, involving children in the process so that they understand the reason behind the rules. For example, he suggests setting up a “digital curfew” or designating screen-free moments, like meals or the hours before going to bed. Parental control tools also “are a great help”: “The goal is not to spy or invade children’s privacy, but rather, guarantee their security and digital well-being.”

Josep Albors, head of research and awareness at ESET Spain

Josep Albors is not a parent, but he has taught many mothers and fathers about internet risks. For more than a decade, he has led talks and workshops designed for children and parents in educational facilities, cybersecurity conferences and other events. In them, he explains that children can access inappropriate content voluntarily or involuntarily, which means that it’s crucial that they know how to react when they run across it.

He sees it as vital that parents “actively accompany [children] so that they learn what is right and wrong on the internet.” He recommends that parents consult online resources of companies that specialize in cybersecurity. Albors warns that excessive control can be counterproductive, as it generates mistrust towards parents, which can lead children to seek ways to circumvent that control or to use devices without supervision.

The time that children dedicate to screens can be controlled actively or passively. “If we use a parental control tool or we configure, for example, our home router so that it disconnects selected devices during certain hours, we will be practicing a passive control,” he says. An active control is that in which “we personally control time and, if it is possible, we guarantee that the use of devices is carried out in a common room, encouraging kids to turn to use when they have a question.”

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