Perspecticide: The narcissist’s star manipulation technique

Manipulation is achieved by using various strategies to influence and condition another person’s actions, without the latter being entirely aware of what is happening, or how. “A person who manipulates aims to impose a perspective that favors their desire to control the other person to suit their own ends, through annulling the emotions and experiences of their victim, and even the victim’s perception of reality,” explains Mexican psychologist, hypnotherapist, and coach Mario Guerra. According to Guerra, who has 160,000 followers on Instagram, the most common manipulative strategies are often used against people closest to the manipulator, such as a partner. And perspecticide is one of the most harmful manipulation techniques in the manipulator’s arsenal, occurring when one person forces another to submit to their total domination, and whereby the victim loses their perspective and accepts their abuser’s perspective as their own.

“Manipulation can occur in any relationship in which one person craves control, influence, and power over the other. One common initial manipulative tactic among couples is love bombing,” adds Guerra. “This happens when the manipulator overwhelms their victim with an excessive amount of affection and attention, disproportionate to how well they know them. It is a technique typical of narcissistic manipulators. Though it should be noted that while every narcissist is a manipulator, not every manipulator is a narcissist.”

We all manipulate to a greater or lesser extent to get what we want, according to clinical psychologist Miriam Ortiz de Zárate, founder of the Coaching Study Center in Madrid. “Of course, people who take this to the extreme are the ones who show the most pathological traits and cause their victims most harm.” In fact, a person with a narcissistic personality is considered to have a mental disorder, included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), where narcissism is defined as a general pattern of self-aggrandizement, a need for flattery and a lack of empathy.

But perspecticide is a particularly cruel kind of manipulation and a particularly harmful and sibylline form of coercive control. “It is a tactic by which the manipulator aims to achieve the victim’s total loss of identity, so that they become unable to think for themselves,” says Guerra. “The tactic is used over time and involves an increase in the intensity of manipulative messages, and increasing psychological and emotional pressure, further undermining their self-esteem and perception. It also includes threats of abandonment, punishment, exposure, and exclusion.”

Evan Stark, researcher and professor at Rutgers University, New Jersey, was the first to use this term in 2007 in his book Coercive Control. The most recent study on this subject is Coercive Control Theory, published on the Oxford Academic research platform in November 2022, which points out that the word perspecticide is used to refer to the manner in which victims end up living in a mental prison, having been subjected to unmitigated brainwashing.

In the case of perspecticide, the manipulator ends up defining their victim’s world, deciding how they should act and think, by brainwashing them and questioning their thought processes. “It is quite frequently the case that the victim has experienced other previous manipulative relationships, often in childhood, for example with parents,” explains Ortiz de Zárate. “These people are more likely to be attracted to this type of relationship.”

Importantly, Ortiz de Zárate points out that it is possible to escape from this situation. “In general, it is a third person who observes that certain behaviors are not normal,” she says. “But at times, there is a turning point that triggers an awakening, and the victim takes the step to get therapy as they recognize something is wrong, though they can’t put their finger on exactly what’s happening.”

Guerra agrees: “It is often the voice of a friend who alerts the victim to the reality of the situation.” But it may also be a book, a podcast or an examination of their own discomfort that leads them to rethink what is happening, and “make them contrast the manipulator’s version of the situation with the observable evidence.” This awakening, Guerra concludes, occurs when the victim starts to question the fact that their perception and feelings do not correspond to the claims of their tormentor.

Consequently, the first step to escaping abuse is awareness. “After the person becomes aware, they should seek help from a professional,” says Ortiz de Zárate.

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