To: President Donald J. Trump
Re: Election strategy
It is a great honor, Mr President, to be called on for advice on how to guarantee your richly deserved reelection. I share your disappointment with your current advisers, who have failed to turn your stellar leadership into an overwhelming electoral advantage. In fact, I feel that the only useful adviser you have is your brilliant son-in-law, Jared Kushner.
But the current situation cannot be ignored. The pandemic and its economic consequences will inevitably be politically costly for you come November. By Election Day there will be millions of people without jobs, tens of thousands of bankrupt companies, and tens of thousands of deaths from Covid-19. The gravity of the situation will surely be exaggerated by the liberal media. They have always refused to acknowledge your talent and the success of your administration. The most recent example being the very unfair way they reported your suggestion that we may be able to ingest or inject household disinfectants to deal with the virus.
Despite all this, I am convinced that you can still win the election. But in order to do so you must be willing to do whatever it takes. The most recent polls indicate that Biden is ahead of you in all battleground states. If the elections were today, he (and not you) would be the next president of the United States. But that reality does not daunt me. We have other ways to ensure that you remain in power.
One advantage, of course, is being the incumbent president of the United States and enjoying all the visibility and resources that your office entails. Another is money. You've already raised $187 million more than Biden. We also have more and better digital technology and cyber resources, which includes, of course, the invaluable help of your good friend Vladimir.
But we must accept that, even with these advantages, Biden may still have more popular support come November. If so, we will have to resort to another weapon in your arsenal: the judiciary. During your presidency, in collaboration with Majority leader Mitch McConnell, you have managed to appoint 158 judges, including two justices to the Supreme Court. They are, no doubt, very grateful to you. We know from history that the judiciary can be crucial in deciding elections. In the 2000 presidential race between George W. Bush and Al Gore, the Supreme Court intervened in a dispute over a vote recount in Florida. The court’s decision favored Bush, thus pushing him beyond the finish line in the race to the White House.
And it is on this precedent, on this historic example, that I base my optimism for your reelection.
Let me be brutally honest in my recommendation: if we cannot win through the ballot box, we will win in court. If it is not through votes, it must be through the bench. We must prepare now to create dozens of ambiguous and confusing situations at the polls, in the vote counts, and in any other aspect of the electoral process that will sow confusion and allow the judges you’ve appointed to settle the score.
In addition to preparing to unleash this judicial Blitzkrieg on the electoral system, we must make sure that those who do not intend to vote for you don’t vote at all. It’s that simple. We know which are the deeply contested, Biden-leaning places where you need to win. That’s where we must make the process so slow, the voting machines so faulty, and the lines so long that people give up on voting altogether. We must also mobilize to prevent absentee and early voting – whether by mail or electronically – wherever democrats have an advantage. We should also disseminate information that makes the location of the voting stations as confusing as possible. Absenteeism is our friend.
Preventing convicted felons from voting is another tactic we should explore. More than 7% of the adult African American population cannot vote because they have served time in prison. In the white population the proportion is only 1.8%.
The list of possible tactics to suppress voting is long and well known. We must use them all. The only difference is that this time I propose we make them the central pillar of your reelection strategy.
Mr President, I have left the most important thing for last. The battle will not be to win the votes of your fan base. They’re in the bag already. The battle is to get the skeptics, the fence-sitters, the confused, the misinformed, and the idle not to vote. We will have to use social media to spread mistrust, doubts, and criticism about the elections and the democratic system. Luckily, in this regard, we also have the help of our Russian friend.
I remain at your disposal, ready to do whatever it takes to ensure that you remain our president for the next four years.
With great respect and admiration,
Note to Readers: This memo is fake and the product of my imagination.