You did good today: A guide to enjoying small daily victories

We can all win small daily victories. Sometimes, they’ll consist of the act of cooking dinner for a few people, or managing not to lose one’s temper in traffic. These are simple satisfactions that can help us to feel good, and that in themselves are results of a certain internal state that has its own advantages. This accomplished mindset can help us to concentrate better, to be more effective, and to not judge ourselves too harshly. It’s what Daniel Goleman calls “optimal state,” as he explains in his latest book with co-author Cary Cherniss, Optimal: How to Sustain Personal and Organizational Excellence Every Day (Harper Business, 2024).

“Having a good day means that we have done enough to silently congratulate ourselves,” says Goleman in a conversation with EL PAÍS. Note: a good day doesn’t have to mean that everything flowed according to plan. We do not need to experience maximum effectiveness to feel good, nor is it necessary to be giving our all in every single moment. The optimal state is more realistic, simpler. It means being in a mood that allows us to resolve day-to-day challenges with creativity, and even a sense of humor. In other words, when we’re in an optimal state, we enjoy what we do and can quiet our internal judge, which can often erode our well-being. Here’s the most important part: this optimal state relies on our own behavior and choices.

The first step is concentration. Putting the maximum amount of attention on what we’re doing is what allows us to have a good day — not the other way around, as you might think. Logically, we concentrate better if we are doing something we enjoy, that we have chosen to do or, at least, that interests us. But reducing distractions depends on us, on training our focus. Neuroscience calls the cerebral state in which we feel good “neuronal harmony.” As we take on a task, the neuronal networks that the job demands are completely activated, while the ones irrelevant to the current project stay inactive. When we get distracted by things that aren’t relevant to the task at hand, harmony in our neuronal networks disappears, like when we are trying to finish a report and we end up surfing the internet or having unimportant side conversations.

The second step is training our emotional intelligence. As has been proved by several studies, our effectiveness at work and the satisfaction we take from small victories depends more on how we manage our emotions than any intellectual formula. As Goleman says in the interview, “The ultimate goal of emotional intelligence is to help others and ourselves to reach and maintain optimal states.” If we have the capacity to perceive, understand and manage our emotions and those of the people around us, we will be better conditioned to reach said states. To do that, the most important step is to know what’s happening to us, which is to say, to improve our self-knowledge.

We need to learn how to recognize what is taking place in our internal world: acknowledge what we’re feeling, why we’re feeling it and identify if we’re in a good moment to achieve a certain goal, whether that is telling our partner or coworker about what is bothering us or simply writing a complicated email.

Context plays a role, of course. A well-timed piece of advice or word of encouragement can help us to arrive at or maintain our optimal state. If we spend our time in toxic environments or are constantly receiving thoughtless criticism, it becomes more complicated to stay serene or enjoy our accomplishments. But let’s not fool ourselves; even in these kinds of situations, we still have room to maneuver. When we improve our concentration, train our emotional intelligence, and in particular, perfect our level of self-knowledge, we are better prepared to recognize and celebrate our small daily victories, even if their surrounding context isn’t the greatest. Learning to see ourselves with more kindness, without judgment, demands and distractions, allows us to enjoy our day to day and enter into optimal states. For all these reasons, it’s well worth a try.

A few exercises that can increase our level of consciousness and well-being:

• Pay attention to your breath: observe your cycle of breathing in and out. When the mind is distracted, this kind of monitoring can be an important tool. Even better, this exercise can help to train our ability to reduce the time we lose due to interruptions.
• Internal check-up: during routine moments, such as when you’re brushing your teeth or turning on your computer, evaluate your inner state by naming your current predominant emotion. You can also try taking these opportunities to scan your body and assess how it is feeling.
• Assess your internal dialogue: the hardest-to-manage distractions come from difficult emotions, which are fed into by our thoughts. If we can encourage a kinder internal dialogue, we can be in a more optimal state.

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