Louis Tomlinson on surviving the loss of his mother, sister and One Direction bandmate: ‘There’s no preparation for what I’ve been through’

Louis Tomlinson, 33, knows the challenges of his profession all too well, but he also knows what it’s like to reach stardom as a 19-year-old. For just over five years, he was part of One Direction, one of the most successful boy bands in history (they sold 70 million records during their time together), but he soon had to learn to fly solo. It’s a challenge that has taken him almost a decade to adjust to, a period marked by doubts, losses, and self-discovery. Now, he says, he is living one of the happiest moments of his life. On January 23, he will release his third studio album, How Did I Get Here?, a clear statement of intent about what he wants his musical career to be.

To promote this new chapter, the British singer embarked on a short tour of European countries, including Spain, where he reunited with his fans at an intimate event where they were able to hear the first five songs from the album. During his brief two-day visit to Madrid, Tomlinson met with EL PAÍS to discuss his personal growth, his time in One Direction, and the burden of fame.

Finding your place in the industry isn’t easy, especially when you’ve been coping with grief for years. Louis Tomlinson has experienced profound losses: his mother, Johannah, passed away in 2016 at age 43 from leukemia; his younger sister, Felicité, died in 2019 at 18 from an accidental overdose; and his One Direction bandmate Liam Payne died in 2024 at 31 after falling from a hotel balcony in Buenos Aires. Now, Tomlinson is leaving behind this dark chapter to begin a more positive one.

“I’ve realized that these kinds of feelings are infectious,” says Tomlinson. “The more I’m enjoying it, the more the fans inevitably enjoy it. This whole record is a breath of fresh air, but it also has depth and emotion.”

Healing has been essential, particularly since he writes his own songs: “If you’re feeling down, you’re going to write emotional songs; and if you’re feeling good, you’re going to write nice songs. I had to wait for things to change for that,” he explains. “I’m not someone who’s ever down in the dumps or overly grumpy.”

Tomlinson says he’s felt imposter syndrome since he first began in the music industry. “I’m always striving to get better. I never had any kind of musical education, I didn’t play any instruments… and one day I auditioned for The X Factor and here I am now. Psychologically, it’s hard to accept where you are.” Hence, the title of his third album, posed as a question: How Did I Get Here? “It’s more in awe of the situation. I don’t care about the answer to that. I could overanalyze how I got here, but I’m here.”

Although One Direction gave him everything, he admits it wasn’t always easy: “It was very intense. But that’s the nature of doing something like that at a young age, when you have a natural resilience. I can’t imagine going through that process now, and if I started now, it would be quite intimidating. There are many things, like fame, that I could do without; but I wouldn’t be able to do my shows if I wasn’t famous. So it’s kind of tough shit.”

In 2015, after four albums, Zayn Malik announced his departure from the group, a move that would mark the beginning of the end for One Direction. “It was a grieving process. I really struggled with the idea of moving on. It all came quite abruptly to me. I had never even considered the possibility of going out on my own. Now I realize how naive I was, because I thought we would be in One Direction forever. That’s what made the idea of going it alone even more intimidating, because I was still unpacking the fact that the band no longer existed.”

One Direction gave him the visibility a project like his needed, but at a high cost. “The worst part has been being surrounded by success. It’s like there’s so much light in this job that you completely miss out on a very important chunk of life. It’s about surrounding yourself with the right people, but also with normality,” he explains.

As a songwriter, he can’t help but let his personal life inspire his music. “I’ve almost admitted defeat. I’ve been in the public eye since I was 19, and in those circumstances, you don’t have much privacy. I’ve always leant into my honesty and vulnerability. My fans think they know me really well, and they do to a degree, but my albums are more of a chance for them to actually look inside my brain rather than just relying on their perception of who I am,” he explains.

Reflecting on how he has survived the deaths of his mother, his sister, and his One Direction bandmate Liam Payne, he says: “You have to live with these things. There’s no preparation for what my family and I have been through.” He adds: “I’ve been lucky with the way I was brought up. I don’t struggle to talk about my feelings, and that definitely helps when you’re going through this kind of thing.”

Now Tomlinson just wants to focus on the release of his next album and his international tour in 2026. “This is the album I’ve always deserved, and I’m the artist I’ve always deserved to be. There were tough times in One Direction that I struggled with. But now, having the opportunity to express myself individually, I’m grateful that they coached me to this point.” He’s clear about what success means to him: “Believing I’m worthy of those big stages. I know I am, but there will be concerts where I’ll question it.”

Tomlinson says he’s made mistakes, but that he’s earned from them. Every obstacle along the way has taught him lessons that he has already put into practice and that help him become the artist he is today. “I read a quote that says ‘sometimes you don’t have time to figure out why the answer is no, but if your gut tells you no, you can work it out later and unpack that information.’ But if you have a gut feeling about something, it’s probably right. I would tell myself to trust my gut a little more.”

The interview ends, and he departs the luxurious hotel with his large team. To the disappointment of his fans, he doesn’t make an appearance on the streets of Madrid.

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