Why is excessive optimism worse than being sad?

Believing that everything bad has a good side can be dangerous. Always looking at the positive side of things can serve as a balm for the mind; it’s an attempt to shift the focus on the happier aspects of a complex situation. In a society that encourages us to escape discomfort and emptiness through constant stimuli under the motto “Only Good Vibes,” this forced positivity can oversimplify more complex emotional processes, especially for individuals struggling with mental disorders.

“The idea of a forced optimistic interpretation of our experiences, along with the suppression of negative emotions, can be very harmful, and in many cases invalidating and paternalistic,” says psychologist and psychotherapist Alejandra de Pedro González. For the founder of the ADP Psychology Center, pain is an essential human condition for growth and progress; however, when the search for positivity becomes obsessive, real emotions can be overlooked.

“When we give an emotion space to be felt, it surfaces, is processed, and then gradually fades away. Conversely, when we repress our emotions, we risk them becoming stuck for longer periods. For instance, someone who suppresses their anger, believing it to be wrong to feel that way, may end up experiencing a persistent irritability. Or a person who holds back tears due to shame may find themselves struggling with depression,” she explains.

Expressions like “be positive” or “everything will be fine” are prevalent, both explicitly and subtly, in everyday life — whether on social media, in videos, or even on mugs and other items. This concept of positive thinking often blurs the line between healthy positivity and toxic positivity.

“We live in a time characterized by emotional avoidance, where we tend to sidestep unpleasant emotions as soon as they arise. Instead of working on improving my self-esteem when I feel insecure, I might post a photo and wait for likes, or I might buy new clothes or make-up. When I start to feel sad, rather than journaling, which could help process that sadness, I might distract myself by watching videos. We lack effective emotional regulation tools, and in this digital age, many things serve as mere emotional patches. If feeling bad is already difficult, it becomes even harder to communicate that we’re struggling,” says De Pedro.

When self-care is toxic and does more harm than good

Toxic positivity invalidates negative experiences by promoting the notion that one should always maintain a positive outlook, regardless of the circumstances. Paradoxically, despite the understanding that the healthiest approach is to navigate our emotions, positivity has become a buzzword, suggesting that happiness is merely a matter of choice.

A study published in March 2024 in the journal Cognitive Sciences and Human Development, titled Toxic Positivity and Its Role among Young Adult Workers, highlighted the significance of recognizing toxic positivity as a critical issue affecting emotional well-being. In this context, Maïte Issa, a personal development expert, emphasizes that emotions are the foundation of our experiences. “Pretending to be constantly happy can be frustrating when it isn’t attainable, so well-being should be promoted by acknowledging that happy states are not permanent but rather emotions that come and go,” she explains.

Another popular tool that pushes the mind into positive and joyful states is the use of affirmations. Phrases like “I am strong,” “I am confident,” and “I have good self-esteem” are often repeated by individuals to improve their mood, empower themselves, and boost their self-esteem. However, if a person uses them without understanding what they are doing, affirmations can do more harm than good.

How to avoid excessive optimism and positivity

In another study published in February 2022 in the scientific journal Nature, an international group of psychologists investigated how social pressure to be happy can be detrimental to psychological well-being, particularly when we inevitably experience negative emotions. This issue is especially pronounced in countries with high levels of reported happiness, according to the latest measurements from the World Happiness Index.

American author Mark Manson, in his best-selling book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* (2018), argues that the only true path to empowerment is through the acceptance of pain. He emphasizes that recognizing forced positive behaviors is essential for developing a healthier attitude toward oneself. Leading one of the most influential personal growth websites globally, Manson outlines three key principles for avoiding the pitfalls of excessive optimism. He asserts that we must always remember that it’s okay to not be okay. The second step involves managing emotions without denying their existence. Finally, he emphasizes the importance of actively listening to ourselves and others, particularly when someone expresses a difficult emotion. Instead of responding with toxic positivity, we should acknowledge that their feelings are valid and reassure them that we are there to listen.

Sign up for our weekly newsletter to get more English-language news coverage from EL PAÍS USA Edition