Teresa Ruiz, actress: ‘Migrants don’t go to the United States because of the American dream, but because of the Mexican nightmare’

Teresa Ruiz, 35, says that from the moment she stepped on stage, she knew she was going to be an actress until she was “an old lady.” Thanks to her talent, she has been able to carve a place for herself on the national and international scene, starring in film and TV productions in both Mexico and the United States. Her role in the TV series Narcos opened the door to stardom, but the actress already had a decade’s worth of work to her name at that point.

As a young Mexican woman raised in California, she was able to work on both sides of the border. This experience also gave her a different perspective, one that was not always comfortable. Ruiz says she felt like she was from everywhere but didn’t fit in anywhere completely. “It took me a long time to stop going around with my fists up,” she tells EL PAÍS.

Her recent performances in Manolo Caro’s movie Down the Rabbit Hole and Natalia Beristáin’s Noise have allowed her to showcase her great versatility as an actress. Those who know her say that Ruiz’s career is only just taking off and that, with her talent, there is no doubt she will go far. This will soon be seen in her upcoming projects, which is not allowed to talk about just yet.

Question. You have worked on Narcos, Down the Rabbit Hole, Noise, productions that all address violence in Mexico. Do you think that Mexican cinema needs to talk about this violence as a form of catharsis?

Answer. Of course, we are living it, and we need to get it out. It is like an exercise in exorcism and in recording [what is happening], as a way to try to get rid of some of the pain. I remember in Noise, Natalia told me that that film was a kind of spell, an amulet so that nothing would ever happen to her daughter and so many other women. Cinema has become something that matters to us, that is why we do it and continue to do it.

I have helped several filmmakers tell the story of drug trafficking in Mexico, and I think that each one has their own different visions. I think that my face has helped them and my voice has helped them because I come from a town, I know violence and I have also lived on many borders. I have been telling the story of drug trafficking in Mexico in a community and that has been very nice. I have done it with people from the film industry that I grew up with: the directors, the producers, the actors... I think that we are a generation that was touched by this time in Mexico, and that together we are portraying this moment of who we are as a country.

Q. Have you experienced this violence in your daily life?

A. Yes, all the time. As a Mexican, you experience it all the time. I was born in Oaxaca, but when I was 12, my father was transferred from work, and we went to live in Ciudad Juárez. We lived on the outskirts, in the desert, and my playground was literally a square of pink crosses because of the femicides that occurred in those years. Yes, the place where I played was a cemetery.

Q. And how did that affect you as a teenager and as a woman later on?

A. The nights were quite terrifying. I remember coming home from school, passing by the narco graves and seeing the bodies of murdered people. So when I turned 13, I was sent to live with my aunt in Los Angeles, California. I come from a family of migrants from Oaxaca who went to the United States because of the insecurity. When I arrived in Los Angeles, my family helped me get into a theater school. When I got on stage, I felt a feeling that never left me. I guess there was something I wanted to express, and I found it there. It’s like a connection with myself that I don’t feel anywhere else except when I’m praying.

Q. Are you a religious person?

A. Yes, quite a bit. I think that the subject of religion is very confused with Catholic dogmas and with the terrible things that have happened in the churches. For me, religion is a daily choice that leads me to believe that life has meaning, despite the circumstances you are going through.

Q. Would you say that everything you experienced in your childhood, in Ciudad Juárez, shaped you as an actress?

A. Yes, because the actor brings their point of view to things. I have noticed this more and more as I grow up and have a voice in the films or series I do. Your perspective becomes unique. I think the best way to act is to live.

Q. What new projects would you like to undertake?

A. Now that I’m re-exploring the music that I love so much and I like love songs, that caress the other with the lyrics, I think it would also be nice to start making films like that, that caress things, that help you to see the beauty of things. For me, Down the Rabbit Hole is a bit like a caress: delicacy within that hyper-violent environment. It’s nice to see that in movies. My friend Lázaro Rodríguez, who is also an actor, says something very true: actors are often the ones who teach people what kissing is, what fucking is, what fighting is. We learned everything in a movie.

Q. What are the differences between the film industry in the United States and in Mexico?

A. The pressure. In the United States, there is more space, because there is more money. Here [in Mexico] we learn the hard way to do things faster and when you get there, you are a pro. You land every shot because in Mexico you have less time to do things right, and it’s better not to make mistakes. Sometimes people who get into acting and do well very quickly see it as glamorous, but cinema is not glamorous at all, it’s a matter of effort. It’s a lot of hours.

Q. What would you say is missing in the industry?

A. I don’t want what I said about pressure to sound romantic. It’s not right, but that’s how we have to work. I’m concerned that budgets are increasingly being cut in Mexico and creatives have to do more with less and save the day. That’s not cool either.

Q. What was your experience as a migrant woman in the United States?

A. On the one hand, I was very privileged because of where I came from. My aunt was one of the first migrants to walk the desert, with the first groups of Mexicans to cross the border. When I arrived, there was already a community that had understood what was needed to migrate, although there is a lot of nostalgia for migrating. Los Angeles, at the end of the day, is a desert, and it is a place where there is a lot of sadness, there is a lot of nostalgia and above all there are a lot of migrants and that is felt, it’s palpable.

Q. What do you mean by sadness?

A. There is a lot of deep sadness for having left your land, your family. Migrants do not go to the United States because of the American dream, but because of the Mexican nightmare. I know very few people who want to go of their own free will, they go out of necessity. I did not want to leave either. When I arrived at my school, my accent when speaking English was made fun of a lot, there was a lot of bullying, there was a lot of contempt. From a very young age, I felt contempt that I had never felt in Mexico. I did not understand what was wrong with me. That, at an age when adolescence begins, is very hard. And you start walking around with your fists up, all the time, and it takes a long time for that to go away.

Q. And what was it like to return to live in Mexico after so many years?

A. It was very strange because I had a little bit of the same experience, and I didn’t expect that. I was asked with a lot of disdain why I spoke English if I was so dark. I think it could be a feeling of tradition. I even lost friends all of a sudden. I’m not Chicana, but I can identify myself as Chicana. I feel more Mexican than gringo, but at the same time, I have a lot of gringo customs because I grew up there. It has to do with your identity. The people who make fun of you don’t know about all the buses you got on, all the times you were scared, all the bullying you endured. Nobody knows that, that in that little bit of mockery there are a lot of things that happened to you.

Q. What roles would you like to play, where do you want to focus your career?

A. For the past year, the theme I’m wondering about and exploring has to do with love. Love, heartbreak... I’m interested in it, and I’d like to do more stories about love. Our cinema lacks stories like this: tender, beautiful and real ones about love.

Q. Why?

A. Because we experience a lot of violence and because it’s nice to be told stories that give us hope, that’s what makes you get up every day. If we could tell more of that kind of story, perhaps society could flourish better. At least in my experience, love is my source of greatest creativity.

Q. Do you love being an actress, do you love cinema?

A. Yes, very much. It is one of my greatest loves.

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